“The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say” 
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

                                                                         "Memories"

Charmed by the memories,
the mind wanders along desolate streets..
Trying to find your presence,
I delve into the depths of emotions- that keeps the fire from dying
but it is only you ,that I seek....
The streets are dark,
where would this search lead me....I know not...
It seems that the star that I follow at the end of the long road, and the forest of
emotions would swallow me...
I rely on the sunshine of your presence
To lead me through.
What if I give up before I can make it...
Charmed by the memories,
my mind wanders...
Through the empty streets...

                                                             ''Being together''

As she walked down the busy street, late in the evening, Kris could feel the vibrant happiness of the smiling faces that greeted her. The joy of being with their loved ones, was being reflected in the lazy demeanour of the people, sipping their tea and engrossed in casual chat not even paying undivided attention to the speaker. It was just the warmth of being together that they seemed to be enjoying. Over the years, Kris had seen a million different types of relationships. Some believed inherently in love, some at the brink of commitment and some, who believed in having flings and then just let go. But she knew that to all of those people, long distance was a step beyond possible. It wasn’t that love was absent, but it was just the physical and emotional presence of the person, in real time, that they ended up losing sight of who their partner really was. As she walked by, her thoughts drifted to Nick, who was 1500 miles away, probably sipping a cup of coffee sitting on his easy chair, looking out the window to the distant mountains that appeared as pin pricks against the gray evening sky, or probably watching the latest episode of his favorite television series. She felt lucky to be in love with this guy, who had come to mean so much to her in the short span of 3 months that she had been dating him.  He inspired her and made her life complete, so much so that she dared to be happy after such a long time. His presence in her was like the cool breeze that soothed her soul. At times she wondered if she could survive without him, she wondered if in this age of 5min breakups, their long distance relation would survive. She seemed to be so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t realise her phone ringing. It was Nick calling her to check upon if she had reached her home yet. At that moment she felt, that even if she had to walk the extra mile, to walk across the distance that separated them she would do so gladly, without any inhibitions. It was then she fell in peace with the realisation that some people in your life are worth all the pain their separation brings.  As she balanced the  hot cup of coffee in her hand , and her phone in the other, a faint smile played on her lips  she thought of the time when she and Nick would be able to savour it together. 

                  Memories...


''Our body remains alive,
yet sooner or later our soul receives a mortal blow...
The perfect crime - for we don't know who murdered our joy....
She smiles at the pain that followed...
the lie that she lived through..
She lets her mind wander through the endless dreams and the path
that led to the lost memories.... ''

                                                            The bells…

Sound…. A five word wonder, an echo of all things around us. Each sound in the world has its own tale to open to us. The rustle of the leaves, the flutter of a butterflies wings and trickling of the dew drops in a silent desolate wood. Ever heard the clamour of the traffic, so loud, so busy, that it becomes difficult to distinguish one sound from the other. The chiming of the church bells in the silent night….taking you away to a far- away land.

Human relations are a lot like these sounds, each having its own tale to tell, with its complexity and difficult to be described in mere words. These sounds can be heard, yet to explain it to a person, words fall short. Not because, you are unaware of the nuances a relation has, but its notes are so evolved and complex that each aspect has a new facet, to be honed and developed.

It was the due to the sound of her laughter, bright and beautiful like the chiming bells, soothing that her grandpa called her bells. Probably the best friend she could ever have, the soulmate who not only was a great story-teller but the partner in her smallest crimes: a child’s heaven. More than her parents it was him she grew up to be close to. A beautiful friendship grew between them, that which defies time, an age.

He was the one she went to when she had her first heartbreak, he was there to support her as she struggled to make a mark in her profession. He stood and watched teary eyed as the man of her dream whisked her away into a new world. She got so engrossed in her life gradually that she didn’t even realise that the tme when her grandpa, her best friend was about to go drew near. And then he was gone.

Her life moved on, each day a new experience, each relation a new blessing. But now no one called her bells. Her life though perfect, was a void in itself, that which could not be filled up by any other relation. And then she discovered  the most beautiful experience of being a mother. This was the time that she started missing her grandpa even more. She felt that this was one transition in her life that she wanted her best friend, her grandpa to be around her.

Time passed and the void lived on.

Until one day, when suddenly amused by the antics of her 3 year old son she laughed out aloud, and her son pulled her hand and said,

“Mommy, you sound just like the church bells.’’

                                                               

Second chances

At times all we want in life is a second chance….A chance to fulfil our dreams, a quest to live happily or a search to be fulfilled,, And we spend our days looking for that one perfectly defined moment which we designate as the second chance. But can 1 second chance be enough to redefine our existence- to mould ourselves into a completely new and different individual …or is it just the illusion of starting a fresh journey that seems to cast its spell. Such were the thoughts that echoed in her mind, whenever it was time to part. For her , the few moments which they stole each day to be together seemed more of a resurrection for her.

She spent her hours toiling through the day thinking of those moments of perfect bliss, eagerly waiting for the reunion even though she knew that those moments wouldn’t last forever….such was the nature of things….. Their love boasted of companionship and glory witnessed by all. But what they lacked were the moments of being together. What made the wait worthwhile was the moment of intense passion they shared. It was almost time for him to come and already her anxiety knew no bounds…..

There he was – as strong as ever… she waved to him eagerly, ready to crumble up into his widespread arms… She could feel the warmth gradually seep into her skin. The bliss of being caressed by her loved one lasted for a few moments …which gave her a new birth and then he was gone..

Another day stretched before her… A new one- where she waited for the second chance to be with him. Such was the sweet agony that the shoreline was subjected to each day, as the night dawned in, waiting for a new day …

Her second chance…!!!

Language in itself is such a beautiful and powerful tool to express. Sometimes we come across situations that we try to grope for that one perfect word that could encompass the entire panaroma of the things we see, the emotions we feel and certain situations which can only be experience. One such beautiful word I came across the other day is Saudade. A word of Portuguese origin that describes love that disappeared (Metaphorically). The word has an interesting origin in that it was used originally to refer to the people who went out to war or to the sea and never came back. How would you know if they died or were lost. A simple word to encase that feeling of longing, of despair and the at the same time of a hope to meet the lost people.
The ache for those who were lost from their families, led to a constant feeling of sadness- of absence- coupled with a paradoxical joy derived from acceptance of fate. In our lives we often encounter such situations where people who meant the world to us gradually drift away, yet no day passes when their thoughts or the memories do not cross our minds,
I wonder if the loss is pervasive or just a matter of time...



Sriparna
August 3.
more about the word :

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saudade