As Tara sat
waiting, alone in the hospital room, the only name that reverberated in her
mind was Shlok’s. She thought of calling him and seek the comfort of his
presence on that dreary day, which was about to change their lives. But the
anger and pain inside her stopped her from doing so. She couldn’t bring herself
to eve dial his number, let alone talks to him. The voice in her head screamed
out to her once more if she was sure of what she was about to do. The peach
colored walls of the hospital room seemed dreary and lifeless. For some reason,
the colors in her life had ceased to exist. Hardly few minutes had passed when
a nurse appeared, a folded blue paper gown in her arms and reminded Tara that
she was not allowed to eat or drink anything before the operation and asked
Tara to get ready. Promising to be back soon the nurse left her sitting there,
the cold of the steel chair seeping in through her skin. Tara wondered if the
nurse had a child, how she felt to meet women everyday who came in there –
signs of tender life glowing in their wombs to be to be scraped out
Just like Tara had.
Taking a deep
sigh, she got up from the chair and put on the gown the nurse had left there.
The paper gown, felt cold against her skin. As she sat waiting, her mind started
throbbing trying to drown down the voice of reason which seemed to be screaming
at her every now and then. Tara was aware of her heart beating fast against her
chest wanting to explode. Just then the nurse entered the room quietly and
smiled at her. It was the signal she had been dreading, that it was time.
But to Tara,
suddenly everything became clear. In that single moment, her mind attained a
clarity that she had been looking for. Clarity of the choice she wanted to make
and what she should do. She picked up the denim skirt and the white floral
t-shirt she had carefully folded a little while ago and rushed to the restroom.
When she re-appeared five minutes later she realized that the nurse was
bewildered and shocked.
“The doctor is
waiting for you” the nurse said.
“Tell them I
have decided. I want this baby” Tara replied.’
And with that
Tara rushed out. The streets were desolate and empty when she emerged from the
hospital and dialed her husband’s number. The call went through after the third
ring and she screamed into the phone even before Shlok had said hello.
“I didn’t do it.
I am keeping the baby. Even if you don’t want to, but I can’t let a part of me
go- just like that” Tara said hot tears streaming down her face, laughing at
the same time. When Tara had finally disconnected the call, she felt her heart
was at peace. My Baby she thought. And with that she felt a warmth fill her up.
And for the first time she realized that she had fallen in love with a
presence, even without knowing. Such was her love- complete and replete with
the essence of peace; one that knew no limits and gave her the strength- to
hold on.
